Written by Fiona Barker, EQC
I arrived excited, although still carrying the stress of the early morning chaos I left behind at home. I relaxed quickly, so glad to be back with my LNZ whānau, comfortable in the beautiful surroundings of the Ilex in the heart of the botanical gardens, here in my hometown of Ōtautahi. I had already been freed from a weight I had carried unconsciously with me through life by retreat one. I had made changes to the way I show up for my team, my family and for myself. What could come next?
How humbling to listen to the wisdom of the speakers, generous enough to stop with us for a while, and share insights into the road they had travelled, and to the difference each of them was making in their own unique and meaningful ways, here in Ōtautahi.
The tapestry woven through the retreat opened my eyes to the breadth of difference in the lives and opportunities of the people in Aotearoa. I heard a hard truth luminated by one of our speakers: “Christchurch is the most racist city in New Zealand.” Wow. That was jarring. Then I thought about it, and it dawned on me, tragically, that I could see how that could be true.
Was I really that blind? Had I been so sheltered in my upbringing? How had I reached this stage in my life knowing, but never deeply understanding, the challenges faced by those not living in the warm blanket of white privilege?
White privilege. It never really occurred to me that I was living with white privilege. It sounds like a concept for rich kids in LA. I didn’t grow up with money, and always noticed those with more than us—new bikes, new clothes, new cars. I didn’t pause to think that simply having a bike, having good quality hand-me-down clothes and any kind of car gave me privilege. That other people didn’t have those things. I grew up thinking education was a right, easily accessible by all. How awakening to have the blinkers removed, and to look at my experiences and country in a new light.
I had a lightbulb moment in this retreat. It was a combination of the grace and wisdom gifted to my cohort by every one of the speakers, the sessions with Dan and deep discussions with my beautiful Ako group. They all led me to realise that I have a purpose. I know what I can do to be the change. How liberating it is to know that one small person can actually make a difference. I left with a purpose. I left with a passion. I left confident that I have something to contribute.
I stand very differently in my place in Aotearoa now. I did not think that I was someone who could make a difference, or who could help inspire others to shape our nation into a country we can all be proud of, where we are all heard as equals. Where everyone, regardless of differences, are able to stand shoulder to shoulder without the burden of prejudice hampering our aspirations, or our successes. I have a vision of Aotearoa now—and I know I can be part of the change that will imagine it. Kia kaha Aotearoa.