Written by Lisa Roberts, Te Tāpui Atawhai | Auckland City Mission
In many ways the focus on myself over this journey has brought me two things. Firstly, it has consolidated some of the things I believe and hold dear, what I believe is my truth. It has supported me to claim my place to stand, and given me validation in a way I have never experienced before. On the flip side, it has given me an enormous sense of responsibility, and focal points that I had never considered. The task is enormous, but there are some manageable pieces that I can see.
I never imagined, in March this year, that the 28 people I had been thrown together with would become such a trusted group of co-conspirators. We are the likeminded and the different, bold and reserved, healing and hurting. We are the sure and the uncertain, we are challengers and challenged, we are people seeking answers, and people still seeking to understand what the questions are. We have each moved through these places inside ourselves over the course of this year, journeying together and alone. None of us have come away unscathed, but all of us have in our own way been brave and fearless, even when afraid. Everyone has been pushed beyond comfort, and yet had faith in the process. I have connected with some people that I would not ordinarily have been lucky enough to meet, and have found unlikely alliances and accomplices.
One of my most amazing insights has been the realisation that I have a place of privilege that I had failed to understand the superpower of, instead often embarrassed and apologetic for it... However no amount of shame or apology detracts from the fact it is there, it is real, and it is mine... so what to do with it? Use it for the right purposes: to influence the injustices I see, the ones I don’t experience personally but witness the damage of daily. Be the white person that demands racial equality, the able bodied person that refuses to go somewhere my differently abled brothers and sisters can’t... and as for those brothers and sisters, let’s change that paradigm to incorporate those who are not included in the heteronormative narrative of the majority, and have to forever fight to carve their place as a person who deserves equal consideration and has equal worth. Take the slaps from the people who will tell me I have no place in those spaces because I do not belong there, because that is the point: the fact that I don’t belong there means I have a different voice that can’t be rendered bitter, or done to, or as having an agenda. My only agenda is because it is the right thing to do in the world I want to live in.
There is so much about this leadership experience that is difficult to articulate – but what this course is not is management, which is a world away from leadership… Of course some managers are great leaders but very many, in my experience, are not... This course does not give formulaic responses and approaches, it does not give you rules and structures; it gives you the tools to lean into yourself, to see yourself if you are willing to learn who you are in your entirety, and to reflect on how you lead and what you are leading towards. I feel my shifts and changes, I feel my growth and stretch, and I feel a quiet confidence within me that now not only believes I have something to say, but that others want to hear, and that those that don’t want to hear need to hear. I am unapologetic about that now, and I am so very grateful to be given what feels like a once in a lifetime and careertime opportunity.
On this journey we have met some incredible speakers that have challenged our very cores and identities, but have helped us navigate the treacle that is the complex and dynamic world and country that we live in. It is almost like we are taking little pieces of distilled wisdom from all the people who present, and crafting a mosaic which is a vision of the future. With all the little pieces all so different (shapes, sizes, colour, volume), and sometimes seemingly unrelated, it can be hard to see the picture emerging – but I guess this is where the ‘trust in the process’ comes in… What gives me faith is that when I take time to reflect, from a distance there is a shape emerging… That shape right now is a dream, a whisper, a feeling of what could be… for me what it could be, is to be a part of walking Aotearoa towards a place for all people, in partnership, in collaboration, that values all, and leaves none behind.