Written by Rhion Munro, Community Action Youth and Drugs
Tēnā koutou katoa.
Nō Ingarangi, nō Kōtirana, nō Wēra ōku tīpuna.
Nō Ingarangi au, he tangata tiriti ahau.
Ko Rhi Munro tōku ingoa.
I feel wired but tired on my journey home from Te Whanganui a Tara.
I feel a shift, but the shift feels slippery, like shadows disappearing into the evening shade, or trying to untangle the complex flavours of a delicious soup.
In the days following the wrap of an action-packed retreat number two, I’ve been trying to work out what has shifted inside me. What is this change? What have I received?
I’m not sure, but it’s something.
One of the reasons I applied to be part of the NZ Leadership Programme is because I feel like I’ve been banging the same old drum at the sky, crying out for some direction of where to next, for challenge, and for change. Lamenting that I’m stuck in the mud, rooted in place. Safe, secure, and happy enough, but ultimately, still stuck. The second retreat asked me to name what I need to ‘unstick’ myself. It invited me to interrogate what sits at the centre of my motivation and drive. What exactly is the difference I want to make? And what do I need to get it done? With much embarrassment, I found myself spluttering and a bit flabbergasted. The truth is, I don’t know! What AM I asking for? What are my goals? Where do I want to be? What impact do I want to make? What matters most to me? What contribution will I make to Aotearoa’s future?
I have learned that unsticking myself means being able to answer those questions with clarity and confidence. It is believing that I can chart my own course to get to where I want to be, even if it’s over unfamiliar seas. It’s leaving behind the narrative that I will wake one day and discover a path has been forged for me, and instead accept that knowing the way is linked to a deep and personal iterative process of asking and reflecting, now and for the rest of my days. That might well be the shift. It sounds simple, but it doesn’t feel easy.
And so, here I go. Feet fail me not. We have six weeks until our group meets again. I will be spending them in conversation with myself, getting clear on what matters most to me, and beginning to lay the foundations for the next stage of my journey. Much thanks and gratitude go to my whānau, my colleagues, and to Foundation North for giving me the opportunity to rumble with the class of ‘23.
Mauri ora.