Written by Paranihia Preston, Fale Pasifika Te Taitokerau
For me, The Mana Moana Experience has been so uniquely beautiful.
My perspective on who I was as both Mana Moana and Mana Whenua was non-existent, but today that has indeed shifted. I now feel a sense of urgency and Kaitiakitanga to step up and do more for my people, my communities and my family. To take charge of who I am, what I can offer as a Mother, a Woman, and help improve broken systems that do not benefit my people. Even if it be by way of igniting truthful conversations and safe spaces to unlock the shackles of “colonisation” and all that it entails. A word that was not often used in my everyday conversation prior to Mana Moana, yet throughout The Mana Moana Experience my spirit understood every sense of the word. I have learned that trauma is carried within our blood and souls, from my Tīpuna to me. Ka aroha!
I started this journey with arms wide open, a willingness to learn, yet blinded to what was truly coming my way. Four retreats in (I am writing this after Retreat Four: Va Hala, Ala, Ara: The Path, The Journey, Your Journey), I feel a deep sense of humility and gratitude, I now walk with Mana, with pride in who I am, how I can continue to improve myself to best support my people, and now I have a why: a purpose, a reason.
Part of this rediscovery and self-awareness was diving into my past trauma. Something I have never wanted to address. The variety of abuse within our home, the double standards including gang related behaviours created a very unstable home and many hauora imbalances. Speaking my truth, I have received so many gifts of spiritual, mental and physical healing, also amazing tools to help me rest within the trauma while I continue to heal. A gift I will forever be grateful for.
With our recent loss of our handsome baby boy, I had received so much love and light from loved ones, but it has only been through my many Mana Moana experiences where I have gained the courage and comfort to truly smile when I replay his videos. Deep healing was not what I expected or thought I would receive from this experience, but for that I am truly, truly thankful. My soul is thankful.
My husband, who is an alumnus, is a major part of my why and how I was introduced to Mana Moana, and now our daughter, who is 11 years old, has said “I am going to do Mana Moana when I’m older Mum and Dad,”. Even she can see the blessings and changes we have made through this experience! We look forward to supporting her when that time comes.
My favourite musician Eric Benét states:
“I found a love that was gone deep inside of me
I found a woman who was lost and I set her free
I thought that the pain was never gonna end
But now I can be myself again”
One day and one battle at a time, I will be my whole self again.